Blaaaaargh, haven't been here forever. Honestly not really concerned about it either.

I got a lot on my mind, and I've really got to get it out some way, so this really isn't just to rant at everybody, but more to help outlet myself.

I made a phone call to my father today to let him know I had finished something he asked me to do for him. He seemed pleased and asked me to get ready; he wanted to show me something. So I get ready special and go with him where he needs to go. We get there and he shows me a vacant apartment that's up for sale. Then, like a silver bullet out of the blue, he tells me that he's going to be renting this place with his OMG!girlfriend. While I'm still standing there, trying to regrasp my sanity, he starts showing me around and tours off every one of the eight thousand rooms this ungodly place has. Afterwards, he brings me home, and dumps me off like useless garbage and leaves.

Yeah, I know most people would say "OMGZ U SHOULD B3 H4PPY!!1!1!11", but I can't. All my life growing up, I had to visit him in a shit shack with vermin crawling everywhere, the fucking ceiling about ready to cave in, smoke scum as thick as the walls themselves, and a toilet that fell through the floor. Now, in an instant snap, he has the money to buy a palace for this new ho he picks up off the street. I know he has a right to do what he wants, he is an adult, but I just feel so abandoned. He hasn't been coming around like he used to, eveything I try talking to him about just goes over like a breeze, and all his priorities are completely focused into his new whore, this comes first before ANYTHING else. For example, about a month ago, he told me that he was going to be going to connecticut for the weekend to attend a pool tournament. Today mom told me that he didn't go for a pool tournament, but to take his ho on vacation for the weekend at hampton beach. Thanks for being so honest, daddy.

It's become very clear to me that he doesn't want to be here and I am nothing more than a burden to him now.

I've always adored my father, and I've always loved his company. All the memories I've had with him since as long as I've been able to remember have just been bursting through my head and leaving me with such an empty feeling and tears. Losing him like this has made me realize that I've never felt so alone before.

Shit, I think I'm just gonna go to bed.